


Pay No Attention to the Tok'ra Behind the Curtain

by Fig Newton (sg_fignewton)



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Gen, Humor, Off-World, Wizard of Oz References, teamy goodness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-26
Updated: 2017-05-26
Packaged: 2018-10-30 23:15:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,001
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10886934
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sg_fignewton/pseuds/Fig%20Newton
Summary: When SG-1 go on a scouting mission for the Tok'ra, the scenario on the other side of the Stargate is a little too familiar... Affectionate, slightly crackyWizard of Oz-based fic.





	Pay No Attention to the Tok'ra Behind the Curtain

**Author's Note:**

> Written in February 2008 as a tribute to redial_the_gate, when my fellow mods and I celebrated a milestone by challenging one another to write Oz-inspired fic. Set in early Season Seven, with spoilers for various Season Four episodes with the Tok'ra.

As Daniel spoke loudly and earnestly, flinging his hands about in broad gestures, Jack and Teal'c moved quietly to the back of the chamber. Their target: the heavy draperies of bright green velvet that stretched from ceiling to floor, obviously hiding something from view. 

Just as Sam deliberately dropped her spare clip of ammo with a loud, distracting clatter, Jack and Teal'c reached out simultaneously, grabbed an edge of the draperies, and _yanked_.

And stared.

"Oh," Jack said blankly after a long moment.

Then, "That's just great. _Definitely_ a bad witch."

***

It had started, as so many messes did, with some "helpful" intel from the Tok'ra. 

"I don't quite see why they're worried about a decent source of information," Daniel said. He squinted up at the bright sky, then peered at the small cluster of houses a short distance away. "Someone is sending regular reports through the Stargate about Goa'uld activity, and they're complaining about it?"

"The information might yet prove to be false," Teal'c pointed out. "It is wise to identify a source before trusting it."

"My father did say that everything has checked out so far," Sam said, "but that's a classic move -"

"Get your target's trust, then feed them lies," Jack finished for her. "So we get to find out if it's a good witch or a bad witch." He huffed with irritation. "I hate when the Tok'ra send us on errands."

"Yet here we are," Daniel sing-songed. He hopped down from the Stargate's dais and blinked at the bright yellow sand of the path. "That's odd," he muttered, taking a few steps off the path to scuff at the grass with his boot. "They must bring the sand in from somewhere else - the dirt here is a regular color."

"And that's important why?" Jack sighed.

"Well, I don't know, Jack." Daniel folded his arms. "They _might_ have decided to arrange for a bright yellow road because they thought it was pretty. _Or_ there might be some significance to that choice that could help us understand the people here."

Jack opened his mouth to get snippy, but Sam cleared her throat loudly and pointed wordlessly ahead. A small group of people walked briskly along the path from the direction of the village.

"Heads up," Jack muttered to the others. There was so sign of anything even remotely resembling a weapon, so he nodded at Daniel to do his thing. "Let's get this show on the road."

The five natives - two men and three women - approached with cheerful, eager expressions. Jack's mouth twisted into a wry grin as he took in the uniform color of their garb: blue, blue, and blue. Maybe these guys had picked up fashion tips on Vis Uban.

Daniel launched into his "peaceful explorers" spiel, but got only blank looks in return. He hesitated for a moment, then essayed a few words in Goa'uld. The natives' faces brightened again, and they began an enthusiastic conversation, complete with gestures toward the Stargate, the little village, and something further to the east.

Sam started as she caught an all-too familiar word among the spate of gibberish. "They just mentioned Heru'ur, sir," she whispered worriedly.

"Yeah. I heard." Jack kept his face relaxed and friendly, even as his fingers twitched at his weapon. "How much of this are you getting, T?" he muttered out of the side of his mouth.

"A great deal, O'Neill," Teal'c said calmly, keeping his voice low. "They are merchants who deal regularly with visitors through the Stargate. This world used to be under the domain of Heru'ur, but it is now ruled by a mighty warrior who first defied Heru'ur, then defeated him."

Jack slanted a frown in Teal'c's direction. "Heru'ur was killed by Apophis," he hissed. "And we _know_ that Apophis is dead this time."

"Indeed we do," Teal'c said, and a glint of satisfaction flashed in his eyes. "It would seem that the ruler of this planet seized the opportunity of Heru'ur's demise to claim the planet as his own, and planted the story of his supposed victory to gain their trust." He stopped to listen as Daniel asked the natives a question, and one of the women laughed in reply. "He does not, however, claim divinity," Teal'c added thoughtfully. "That seems most interesting."

"Maybe it's not a Goa'uld at all," Sam said, her face brightening at the thought. "Someone with Tok'ra sympathies, maybe."

Teal'c held up a hand as Daniel tried to get an answer to a different question. "They have not named their ruler, although they assure Daniel Jackson of his benevolence." His eyebrow raised. "They have never seen him face-to-face, although they have been granted audiences with him."

"So what do they call him, then?" Jack asked.

Teal'c opened his mouth to reply, but stopped. His eyes narrowed slightly, and his gaze darted from the natives to Jack and back again. "I... am unsure of the exact translation," he said finally, and if Jack didn't know better, he would have thought that Teal'c looked embarrassed.

"Teal'c, how can you be unsure of a Goa'uld translation?" Sam asked. One of the women had edged over to her, opening her palm to display a beaded bracelet in varied shades of blue. Sam pasted a fake smile on her face and shook her head, and the women moved back, looking disappointed.

"I believe my choice of English idioms would be incorrect in this case," Teal'c said evasively. "The conversation seems to have ended. Daniel Jackson will no doubt explain the matter fully."

He nodded at Daniel, who was saying a final word of thanks to the natives. The blue-garbed merchants seemed a little disappointed, but they waved in farewell and started back to the village.

"What's going on?" Jack demanded as the natives moved out of earshot.

"It's a bit weird," Daniel admitted. 

"What isn't?" 

"Okay, that's true," Daniel conceded, his face quirking into a rueful grin, "but this is weird even by our standards." He nodded at the village ahead. "There's been a village here for as long as anyone can remember, doing business and trade with travelers through the Stargate. The people here don't have all that many resources, but the planet has developed a reputation as a sort of neutral trading post, so they get people from just about everywhere. Besides goods, they also trade in information and gossip. About half of the visitors are from Heru'ur's domain, which makes sense since this planet used to belong to him."

"And now that he's dead?" Jack prompted.

"Well, that's the weird part." Daniel rubbed at his nose. "About eleven seasons ago - that's a little more than two of our years, as far as I can tell - someone came walking through the Stargate and announced that Heru'ur was dead, that he'd killed him, and he was now the ruler of their planet. He lets them live as they always have, but he's instructed them to pass on information to a certain address - the neutral planet where the Tok'ra have been picking up the intel."

"And they believed this guy when he showed up, just like that?" Sam glanced towards the village and shook her head, her lips pursed. "Weren't they afraid that Heru'ur would come in with staff weapons blazing?"

"Apparently, they'd heard about this guy before," Daniel said. "A few seasons before that, there'd been whispers of a new power that had risen and challenged Heru'ur."

"Apophis?" Jack suggested.

"Nooooo." Daniel's brows drew in as he tried to find the right words. "The challenge they described didn't sound... The guy apparently thumbed his nose at Heru'ur by flaunting himself in front of Heru'ur's fleet and then disappearing."

"Does this guy have a name?" Sam asked.

Daniel hesitated. "They seem to know the name, but they won't actually mention it. They prefer to describe him instead."

"And?" Jack prompted.

Daniel licked his lips. "I asked about the yellow sand on the path," he offered. "Their new ruler lives in the capital city, but he ordered it shortly after he arrived on the planet. It actually leads all the way to the capital, and -"

"Daniel." Jack glared at him.

With his gaze suddenly focused on the cuff of his sleeve, Daniel said rapidly, "They call him _Meta Setak_."

"Thank you, Daniel. That's very helpful. Could you give us the English version now?"

Daniel actually shuffled his feet a little. "Thgrtnpwrfl," he muttered.

"What was that?"

Teal'c allowed his face to show surprise. "That is, indeed, the right translation?" he asked. "I was sure I had misheard."

"I wish it wasn't." Daniel offered a weak smile.

"Daniel!"

The smile dissolved, and Daniel planted his fists on his hips and glared at Jack. "I said," he snapped, enunciating every syllable now, "They call him 'The Great and Powerful.'"

Jack stared at him, then said slowly, "You're making that up."

"Am not."

"Are too."

"Am not!"

"Are too!"

"Am - okay, you know what? You're right. I made it up." Daniel stuffed his hands in his pockets and blinked his eyes innocently at Jack. "Happy now?"

"Daniel, the ruler of this planet is actually called 'The Great and Powerful'?" Sam asked in astonishment.

"Apparently," Daniel sighed, his faux sweet expression melting into cross frustration.

" _And_ he ordered a yellow road to be laid from the Stargate?" Jack added, unable to stop the slow smile of glee that was spreading across his face. "So the blue guys were the Munchkins? You didn't ask if his name was 'Oz,' did you?"

"Look, it's how the guy first challenged Heru'ur, so they adopted the..." He stopped, a strange expression crossing his face.

"What is it?"

"Why does this seem so familiar?" Daniel asked, turning in a slow circle as he studied the yellow path and the village.

Jack gave him a look. "Because we've seen this movie?" he suggested pointedly. "C'mon, Daniel, you can only milk the amnesia thing for so long before it gets old."

"No, that's not what I meant," Daniel said, strained patience in his voice. "The challenge thing."

"Does it bear some similarity to the myths of your planet, Daniel Jackson?" Teal'c suggested.

"No, that's not it." He shook his head. "But I feel like I ought to remember it. Does it ring a bell with any of you?"

Sam suddenly choked.

"Think of something, Major?" Jack drawled.

"Um. Yes." Her face was turning red. "I think."

"Sam," Daniel said, looking a little incredulous, "are you _laughing_?"

"D-daniel..." Sam gave up and laughed so hard that she doubled over, wheezing.

"Sam!"

"It's you, Daniel," she finally gasped. " _You_ are the Great and Powerful Oz!"

When she'd regained enough composure to speak, Sam explained to Jack and Teal'c how Daniel had tried to bluff Heru'ur on their way to rescue the stranded X-301 in Jacob's _teltak_. 

"What?" Daniel exclaimed. "You mean I _did_ make it up?"

"Told you!" Jack crowed. He wasn't sure whether to beam proudly at how he'd corrupted Daniel, or complain loudly that neither Daniel nor Sam had bothered to tell him about it before this. Either way, he decided, there would be merciless teasing in Daniel's future.

"...so it must have made a bigger impression than we realized," Sam finished. She held out her hands, palms up. "And it looks like someone took advantage it."

"Let me get this straight," Jack said finally. "You and Jacob were fixing the engines when Heru'ur showed up with his fleet, and Daniel claimed to be the Great and Powerful Oz? And rumors about it actually spread to Heru'ur's people?"

"So it would seem." Teal'c tilted his head in thought. "However, the mere whisper of rumor and legend does not sufficiently explain this. The new ruler, who styles himself as 'The Great and Powerful,' is not only using that encounter for his own purposes. He seems to have some knowledge of the legend of Oz itself." He pointed at the yellow road as evidence. "That suggests someone with links to Earth."

"Oh, no," Jack said flatly. "Maybourne is safely tucked away. And anyway, he doesn't have the sense of humor for this."

"No, sir, it wouldn't be one of the rogue NID agents," Sam said slowly. "They wouldn't bother ordering the merchants to send regular intel to our allies. It has to be someone with knowledge of Earth's culture _and_ sympathies towards the Tok'ra."

They all looked at each other for a long moment.

"Let's go talk to Hammond," Jack said finally. "And if Jacob is still there, maybe he can answer a question or two."

***

Their discussion with Jacob over the radios didn't leave them any further ahead. He remembered the incident with Daniel's impromptu bluff, and he admitted that Selmac's curiosity had prompted him to take a DVD of _The Wizard of Oz_ back to Vorash. He had no idea, though, who might have seized on the opportunity of Heru'ur's death to take on the mantle of Oz and use that new power to funnel information to the Tok'ra. It looked as if they would have to confront the Great and Powerful Oz and find out the truth for themselves.

They went to the village and spoke with the blue-clad natives, who didn't seem to mind when Jack kept addressing them as Munchkins. They learned that Oz granted audiences to the people on a regular basis. The merchants would report on all the information and gossip they'd accumulated, and he would inform them which items should be sent through to the Tok'ra. In fact, such a delegation was leaving for the capital that very day.

Armed with the knowledge that "Oz" would most likely recognize them and deny them an audience, the team acquired blue robes from the cheerful merchants, using Daniel's usual means of exchange for barter. They left the natives exclaiming gleefully over their chocolate bars and joined the small caravan heading for the capital city. 

The journey took just over a day. When they arrived, Jack was disappointed that the entire city wasn't painted green. The palace, however, was definitely glittering with the local equivalents of jade and emerald. Even the mosaics on the floor and walls were picked out in different shades of green.

SG-1 hung back as the delegates reverently entered the throne room. 

"All we need is Toto," Jack whispered gleefully as he took in the scene. It really was right out of _The Wizard of Oz._

"If you try to cast Sam as Dorothy again, I'm not bandaging you up afterwards," Daniel hissed back.

The Great and Powerful Oz - a version of the communication device they'd seen Apophis use on his mothership - sprang into life. The man whose face appeared was not familiar to any of the members of SG-1.

" _KREE! TAL SHAL MAK RE META SETAK OZ_?"

Daniel, automatically translating for the others, muttered, "Who comes..."

"...before the Great and Powerful Oz. Yeah, we got it," whispered Jack.

The merchants, their faces awed, began to describe their latest findings. Oz listened, then questioned them further, asking for details on some aspects and ignoring others completely.

Under the cover of that booming, phlanged voice, Teal'c caught Jack's eye and said quietly, "O'Neill. The lips do not move, and the facial expression does not change. We are only seeing a mask, not a real-time projection."

Jack looked again and realized that Teal'c was right. "There's that," he said, nodding at the heavy curtains that ran along the back of the throne room. "How far do you think this Oz thing really goes?"

"Perhaps we can find out." Teal'c slanted a glance at the shimmering globe before them, then frowned slightly. "Mask or not, it is clear that Oz can see and hear _us_. We must provide a distraction."

"Oh, Daniel's good at being distracting," Jack said a little too cheerfully. He ignored the heat of Daniel's glare and added, "Carter, when the delegation is finished, you two keep Oz's attention. Teal'c and I are going to see what's behind Curtain Number One."

"Yes, sir," Sam agreed, eyes bright with anticipation.

The merchants completed their debriefing and bowed themselves out. Sam and Daniel stepped forward, hoods prudently hiding their faces from view. Daniel launched into a long spiel in Goa'uld, complete with dramatic arm waving, while Sam nodded vigorously in ignorant counterpoint to whatever Daniel was saying. And Teal'c and Jack moved quietly to the back of the audience chamber, waited for Sam's extra little diversion, yanked the curtains back...

And found themselves staring at an equally stunned Anise.

"I believe," Teal'c observed after a long silence, "that the Tau'ri would refer to such garb as a 'ratty bathrobe.'"

As Anise huffed with indignation - a sound that was pretty funny when magnified over her Oz device, which she'd forgotten to turn off - Jack took a second look at his least favorite Tok'ra. Teal'c was right, he decided. Anise had abandoned her usual brief leather outfits for a comfortable, ragged robe and what looked like fuzzy symbiote slippers. Her hair still gleamed, but its usual style had been exchanged for a loose, casual ponytail.

"Care to explain?" Jack asked pointedly as Sam and Daniel hurried across the hall to join them.

"THERE IS NOTHING -" Anise hastily leaned forward and shut off the projection. "Ahem. There is nothing to explain."

"You've been sending information to the Tok'ra without telling them who you are," Daniel pointed out reasonably.

Anise actually pouted. "Yes."

"You have claimed to be the killer of Heru'ur, when you have actually not done so," Teal'c added.

"I have every right..." She trailed off in the face of Teal'c's level stare. "Yes," she admitted sullenly.

" _And_ you've been subjugating the people of this planet!" Sam said indignantly.

"I haven't -"

" _And_ you've ripped off the greatest movie of all time!"

Sam, Daniel, and Teal'c looked at Jack.

"...What?" he asked.

"I am conducting research," Anise said loftily, straightening from her slouch.

"Research on the Great and Powerful Oz?" Jack snorted.

"I would hardly expect the Tau'ri to comprehend the long-term, overreaching aspects of a decades-long project," Anise sniffed. "It was necessary to retreat to a quiet planet to -"

"In other words," Jack cut in, "you're _hiding_."

Anise's expression faltered for a moment, but then she raised her chin again. "My current studies require isolation. Interference of any kind would only lessen the impact of my experiment."

"She doesn't want anyone to know where she is," Daniel translated helpfully.

"You are an academic, Doctor Jackson." Anise extended her hand in a gesture of appeal. "Surely you, at least, can understand my frustration! After all my dedication, my years of hard work, the other Tok'ra did not appreciate the huge potential of my vision..."

"Do you refer to the Atenik armbands, which utilized a virus that caused temporary strength and erratic behavior and nearly killed their wearers?" Teal'c inquired with cool politeness. "Or perhaps you speak of your _zatarc_ machine, which failed to differentiate between an emotional struggle and brainwashing."

Anise's cheeks turned slightly pink. " _Perhaps_ my projects had a less positive impact than I originally anticipated, but -"

"You mean they didn't work," Sam said sharply, her ingrained anger at shoddy science leaking into her expression.

Anise scowled, looking mutinous. "Freya and I agreed that it would be wise to spend a few decades in seclusion before returning."

" _And_ you hoped that by that time, Selmac would forgive you for nearly killing his host's daughter. Twice," Sam added with poisonous sweetness.

Anise actually cringed at this, and Jack gave Sam an approving nod. "I could see how that wouldn't go down too well with the Council," he mused aloud. "So you figured you'd disappear, but your conscience wouldn't let you forget your pals entirely. So you've been sending intel on the sly, to make yourself feel better." He rocked back on his heels. "Is that it?"

Anise finally dropped her eyes, and Freya looked up at them. "Please do not be angry at Anise," she pleaded. "We are very fond of one another, but our personalities do not allow for an efficient blending. Many of our mistakes in these last decades have been because of our conflict in attitude and ideas."

Her eyes flashed, and Anise's deeper timbre burst out. "That is an exaggeration!" she protested. "Our admiration and interest for different aspects of -"

She cut herself off as Freya took over again. "Colonel O'Neill," she appealed, "we really _are_ sorry."

Daniel and Jack exchanged uncomfortable looks. Teal'c raised an eyebrow as they both sidled behind him for protection. Sam folded her arms and came very close to rolling her eyes in disgust.

"What report would you wish us to take back to the SGC and the Tok'ra?" Teal'c asked, since his commanding officer was currently hiding behind him and incapable of continuing the interrogation.

"Must you tell them my identity?" Freya wheedled. "Would it not be enough to tell them that they can trust the information I send?"

The team exchanged glances.

"Maybe," Jack said, peeking cautiously over Teal'c's shoulder. He brightened a little and added, " _If_ you also send the intel to Earth."

"Of course," Freya said hastily, almost eagerly. "I'll do whatever you say, Colonel." She lowered her head, and when she raised it again, the freshly arrogant tilt to her chin made the flash in her eyes unnecessary. "I suppose it is my duty as a Tok'ra," Anise said aloud, her tone slightly petulant. She looked away from Jack and focused her gaze on Daniel, and her expression suddenly grew softer. "And, of course, I am _always_ happy to maintain my support for the alliance with the Tau'ri." 

Alarmed, Daniel and Jack backed up another step. Sam couldn't swat her CO, so she contented herself with an exasperated thump on Daniel's shoulder before turning to Anise. "What about the people here?" she demanded.

"I have done nothing to subjugate them," Anise insisted. "I only ask that they share what information they gain with me, and send it to a planet where I know the Tok'ra will receive it. In fact, my presence here protects them. Word of the Great and Powerful Oz has spread, and no Goa'uld has tried to reclaim the planet and enslave its people."

"The Great and Powerful Oz," Jack muttered with disgust. 

"Oz was pretty much an illusion, Jack," Daniel pointed out. "I'd say Anise and Freya are doing a decent job under the circumstances."

"So you will maintain my status?" Anise asked, unable to hide the hope in her expression.

"For the time being," Jack conceded, his voice cool. "We'll come back every once and a while for a chat, though."

"Of - of course." Anise was suddenly preoccupied in smoothing out her ratty bathrobe. "I will instruct the merchants to offer you an immediate escort whenever you visit," she added, her voice trying - and failing - to sound imperious. 

Jack took a last look around the imposing chamber and sighed. "It was too good to be true, I guess," he said a little wistfully. "We'd better go and report."

"Were you hoping for some ruby slippers?" Daniel asked, his eyebrows rising. "Or maybe Glinda the Good?"

Jack loftily ignored him. "C'mon, kids, let's go. After all..."

He waited expectantly, looking around at the others.

"No way," Sam said flatly. She added, a little too late to even sound polite, "...sir."

"I think my amnesia is kicking in again," Daniel tried, his hand raised dramatically to his forehead.

"Oh, come on," Jack coaxed.

"O'Neill, I may very well be forced to severely harm you if you persist." 

"You're no fun, T." Jack tried not to look sulky. "Can we at least get a rendition of 'follow the yellow brick road'?"

"It would have to be 'follow the yellow sand path,' Jack."

"Okay, that's it. This is your CO talking." Jack folded his arms and glared. "Come on, campers! Say it with me!"

Sam, Teal'c, and Daniel exchanged resigned glances and gave in. "There's no place like home," they chorused dutifully, and tramped out.

end.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to Randomfreshink for helping me get a certain character right and her usual stellar beta.
> 
> My entirely insincere apologies if you cannot get the image of fuzzy symbiote slippers out of your head. :)


End file.
